When the Waves Are Taking You Under

Hold on just a little bit longer.

He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger!

-Mandisa, Stronger

It's really not physically going too badly around here... But wow! The mental energy that it's been taking to get some messy school stuff figured out, the emotional balance that gets upset anytime a new someone is added to a family, and just the newness of our current situation is quite staggering!

Miss Vivi (I can explain the name deal, but just not yet) needs to be enrolled in the public school system, due to her current status. In addition to homeschooling not being a current legal option, we feel as though she would greatly benefit from more formal instruction. We have, however, requested it be a shorter day for now. So here's where the fun starts. We live in the "Leopard" town, just five minutes from the Leopard elementary school where we expected Miss Vivi to attend. We'd requested her SW clear this all with the school district prior to her joining our family. The SW spoke with an advocate who was misunderstood as saying she'd covered this... Oops! Well, lo and behold, we live just a couple blocks (yes, seriously) outside of the Leopard school district. They are under no obligation to take out of district kiddos. And they made it very clear that Miss Vivi would not be entering their school district without us relocating our residence.

We live in the Wildcat school district, and the Wildcst elementary school she would attend is 15 minutes away. Without getting too specific, I think it's fair to say that the Wildcat school district isn't quite as great as the Leopard school district would be for Vivi.

So we're faced with a bit of a dilemma... Do we try to sell our house and find something just a few blocks over to get in the district or just pray they accept her at some point along the line of her school years? Sigh. It's all a bit stressful.

And then the whole IEP and figuring out the school deal, not to mention the ins and outs of special ed... Whew! Major learning curve for me!! And the team! Vivi has a fabulous advocacy team! I couldn't be more impressed, but there's a lot of newness for me! I'm trying to keep a bunch of new names and titles I've never heard of straight, and I've never been one to really keep all that kind of thing ironed out! ;-) 

So we've toured a couple of homes, talked to a couple of builders and realtors and whatnot, but haven't came to any conclusions yet. No doubt Miss Vivi is worth whatever curve balls we are thrown, and we are so thankful we have full confidence God has clearly placed us in this situation. My wise friend keeps reminding me that He's already got it worked out so I should just keep on trusting Him. I'm working on that!

As far as the emotional adjustments go, some of the rest of the tribe are wrestling with big feelings more than Miss Vivi seems to be, right now. Trey feels slightly misplaced, although he's really enjoying having a playmate his size! Halli is looooving having a sister! She's working thru being okay with an OLDER (by 4 months) sister when she was so desperately praying for a younger sister (from India, to be exact! She's very into Amy Carmichael right now). Quinn is working hard at remembering that just because we've added a new person to the family, it doesn't mean he's leaving. Scott is so caring about how Vivi might be feeling that he forgets to give his feelings permission to be felt... Until they've gotten pretty big. Riley is really the only one who's not seeming to be at all affected by Vivi's entrance- unless you can count orneryness. If we counted that, then the guy is definitely affected!! ;-) 

I have moments where I wonder what on earth we've done... But not because Vivi is such a challenge. I think more because of the mental stress of being blindsided by a potential move and trying to maintain some symbalance of peace and calm in this house!! 

I received a text from a friend saying our family was an inspiration to them, and I just felt like crying. I don't feel like an inspiration. I feel like a tired, grouchy, frustrated, spent mom who's not doing anyone any good. I feel like I blunder along through the day, just trying to make it to bedtime. I do not like feeling this way!! I'm a can-do kind of person and I positively detest feeling like no-can-do!! I feel like I'm hanging onto the hand of Jesus like its my lifeline. 

And then I look at that sentence and I know: this is right where I need to be! I CAN'T do this! I can't waltz through this motherhood thing, to bio kids or adopted kids, without Him! I can't parent my healthy kids or my kiddos with special needs without Him! And if there is ANY glimpse of inspiration you can see in that, then stand up and PRAISE THE LORD!! Because that is NOT me you're seeing. I cannot do this on my own. He knows that. And He's allowed me more than I can handle alone. But not more than He can handle. Even when the frustration is high, the tempers flare, the patience is flat gone and I just want to hide, He's there! And He's just waiting to help me. 

As I'm ready to sign off, I realize how much power there is in the TRUTH and how shallow and fickle feelings are. I am thankful for the wise friend who keeps reminding me to give myself grace. I am thankful for my children. I am thankful to be a mom. I am thankful for the friends and family we have praying for us. I am thankful for a husband who's willing to go to the extreme to answer God's call to bring this child into our family, even when it's tough. I am thankful for a new day tomorrow and I am thankful for Jesus. 

He'll be faithful to complete it if only we believe it...!