I lean in close...
"Does Sully know I'm your baby?"
This caught me so off guard. And I need to back up a little here. Monday night we had the heart-breaking privilege of having a lil guy we'll call 'Sully' here overnight. We were not sure how this would affect Q's awesome streak... Sully is the same age as Quinn. Four and a half. God knew we needed Sully for the night to realize just how much our connection and attachment and love for Quinn HAS grown.
We had a couple rough days with Q recently and as I was rocking him one afternoon, he asked me about Trey's pacifier. He wondered if he used to use one and what color it was. We talked about the fact that he was a baby at another house and I wasn't his mommy when he was a tiny baby so I didn't know. He thought about that a little, then said, "I wanted to be your baby." I asked him if he would like to try a pacifier just to see what it was like... He wasn't too sure, but I told him to think about it. That evening he wondered if I gave him a pacifier, would that make him my baby... I told him he could be my baby now, because he didn't get to be my baby when he was a baby and that I'd give him a pacifier and use baby lotion (like Trey's and not the "big boy" lotion he uses) on him. He thought it'd be worth a shot...
That's been about 2 weeks ago. He's faithfully used his pacifier every single night and whether it was that or something else, he's been so different recently. I am so thankful God has been willing to work with me and show me how to let go of his chronological age and work with his emotional age. He has a need to feel like he was somebody's baby. Like he was special to somebody, and as a baby that need was not fulfilled. I am thankful God has chosen me to have a front row seat in watching the miracle of healing unfold in Quinn's heart as he learns to love and be loved. I think of the verse (Joel 2:25) that says, "I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten..." and I know that is what God is doing. He is allowing this 4 year old to indeed be MY baby.
"Yes, buddy, Sully knows you're MY baby and I'm YOUR Mama."
"How, Mom?"
"Because he sees our love."
8 comments:
God is amazing, isn't he?! Reading about your family's journey and seeing God's faithfulness played out in your lives has been such a blessing. :)
~Tayler
Loved reading this! So heartbreaking as it makes you think about what it must feel like to not be loved and so young, but yet it shows that "JOY always comes in the morning!" God is so GOOD! Addie has been making me think more about all those babies that aren't loved and how even though they just babies, I am sure it impacts them in a big way! Praising him with you for progress and discernment to be able to meet his needs!
I've been asked some "interesting" questions lately along such lines too. I guess that even four years is not long enough to process the info that they were not with us as babies. I just continually pray for wisdom. So glad to hear about progress in your household.
oh that breaks and warms my heart at the same time...prayers that his little heart will FEEL and know your love!
Oh, Anna, that just makes me smile thru my tears. How precious that he is learning to process the journey he has had. Each of our lives is a journey and he needs to feel those steps he missed. So thankful you are a mama who gets this! Blessings,
Lisa
So glad you emailed me and let me know about your blog:) Love Love Love this story! My girls are 6 and I've been seriously thinking about investing in a rocking chair for their room! I think they would LOVE the rocking and baby thing for a bit. It just might heal something in their hearts! THanks for the reminder.
I'm so glad you posted this! I've been seriously thinking about trying to find a rocking chair to put in their room.... to borrow for a while. Even though the girls are almost 6, I think it would be healing for them to rock with mom, even if it's only 10 minutes or so a night.
This is amazing and beautiful! I LOVE reading Gods stories!
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